Another awkward moment for me, I tell you. I really am not used to hanging out with a boyfriend’s family. My ex boyfriends were assholes and they never properly introduced me as their girlfriend. The other one was because for some reason the mother didn’t like me, maybe she knew my ex and I were not compatible as we thought we were. So really, this is the first real boyfriend I can call.
My love didn’t bring me to his work in the mountains today. He usually brings me there. He would work at his station and I would be at the barracks, hanging out until he’d get off. He said he was going to be late, we didn’t prepare anything for me for the barracks and that he wants me to hang out with his family. I got a little upset because he left me behind for the first time for a long time and scared because I don’t know how to act or talk towards his family. I’m shy, get it? I feel the pressure. I feel like they are expecting a lot from me. I just think I’m not good enough, okay? And he doesn’t get that or even see it that way.
I didn’t know they were going to have visitors until the mom told me while I was eating breakfast. Well, you know, we were talking and then she mentioned it. Then finally, they came and I felt like I was not needed so I went upstairs to my love’s bedroom, hang out a little, then the mom called me to eat lunch with them. I sat at the table with them, but didn’t really talk to them. I helped my love’s lola get some food because she can’t get up anymore, that’s about it. After lunch, I played with my puppy (whom they love very much because she’s just really soft and a cutie. When I’m around, they expect the puppy to be with me too.) I was too shy to talk to the visitors, because I for one is already a visitor too, but they’re all related. I saw the mom talking to this little boy, so I sat down with them while the three of us were playing with my puppy. The next thing you know, she peed 3 times everywhere so I cleaned after her and at the same played with her too. And then the next thing you know, I was stuck, well like locked up in a conversation with the little boy. This little boy is very talkative and doesn’t get mad like the other kids. He’s very polite and not demanding. He just talked about random things and I would go along with him while we both played with my puppy. He’s a little sick. I was just talking to him, he became silent, then five minutes later, we noticed that the little boy fell asleep by the stairs where he was sitting down when we were talking. He fell asleep quickly because he’s a kid and a little sick. Poor boy.
And so that’s how my hanging out with them turned out. HAHA. Pretty stressful to me.
It was finally my day off, but it was my boyfriend’s “Monday”. I drove an hour to be exact from my place to where my boyfriend lives last night (it’s about 70miles, driving 80mph! slowed down to 70mph when there were cops around), only to realize that I forgot the gate remote and dad’s key in my purse! I used both because I don’t have a remote (it’s expensive!) I usually use the code box, but it didn’t work so I couldn’t take my car out. So I used my dad’s key, opened his car and got the gate remote, put both things in my bag because I didn’t want to go back up again since I was going to be late to work. I got back home from work, put my bags in my trunk, left the city and went to the high deserts. My dad was calling me, but I didn’t pick up thinking that he wanted me to drop off my sister at work when I was already far. Then my boyfriend called me saying my sister was calling him about the ID in my dad’s car. I completely forgot about the remote and key! As soon as I got to my boyfriend’s house, we used his sports car and drove back to my place, which is another hour away. I dropped off the key and remote, and drove right back, another hour. My boyfriend was tired, I was tired, because I literally travelled 3 hours.. sitting 3 hours straight. The last hour seemed forever. It was around 1am when we got back to his place. I didn’t even bother eating dinner. I didn’t have lunch either. We both knocked out as soon as we hit the bed. Stupid me.
My parents are Catholic and that makes me one too. I grew up going to church, learning all the prayers and rituals. I was even in a private catholic school in the Philippines from kindergarten until 4th grade, La Consolacion College-Kalookan. When my mom died, we didn’t go to church as much as we did when my mom was still alive, until eventually we just stopped, but I’d pray every night. When we moved here in the US, my step mom made us go once in awhile. And then it just died down too. But I would still pray every night before I go to sleep.
Yesterday, was one of the most weirdest and awkward situation I’ve ever been so far this year. I have never been into a group praying even in the Philippines, where it’s very common for the oldies. You know when the oldies gather and pray in someone’s house. I never knew why they would do that, and I’d see it in Filipino horror movies, it gives that creepy feeling while watching it lol.
So, my boyfriend’s mom wanted to do some praying. They have a decent altar in their house with Jesus,Santo Niino, crosses and Mama Mary figurines. I told him, Why do we have to pray? I believe praying is when you want to, not when you’re forced. Because his mom just said suddenly that we were going to pray and I only wanted to other things with him. He said, What’s wrong with group praying? I said, I don’t know. I’m just not into that kind of stuff. I pray when I want to. And so we all gathered, his cousins, aunts, grandpa, grandmas, his bro and parents. His mom was the “leader” so she led us with praying. They even have booklets of prayers, readings and songs in it. The first thing we did was sang that Ave Maria song. There were giggling and snorting and smiling around because it was just funny at first. Then we went on with the praying and the reading. Then the song Hail Mary, Gentle Woman, that song is actually nice. It is very soothing… And finally to the part where you tell Mama Mary all your problems and stuff.. the atmosphere became serious.. we were praying for their family members who are sick.. you’d hear sniffles and crying out of nowhere.. I didn’t know what to do.. At first, I was like, okay.. they really are lost, aren’t they? they really want mama mary’s help.. even my boyfriend became teary eyed and I was becoming teary eyed too just because they were doing it., but I told myself, you’re being too sensitive. you don’t even know them that well.. why are you feeling that way for them? be strong. don’t cry. Finally, it ended and the relatives left, and we went to sleep.
Indeed, I have become too soft.. My step mom, my mom is still not back home from the rehab center. She is still recovering from her sickness… We just want her home..
I usually dream at night. And I dream different things in one sleep. It’s weird, but I think that’s normal? My recent dream that I could remember is that I dreamt of animals. Ferret, which at first I thought was a rabbit because of the face but it had a long body, and I think my mind just decided it was indeed a ferret. Then the next one was a cute rabbit and finally I think it was 3 owls, all with some kind of eye problem lol. I looked online what they might mean.
To see a ferret in your dream symbolizes distrust and suspicion of others. The dream may also be a pun on searching. Well I don’t know. Maybe before I slept I was looking at someone thinking that stranger looks suspicious and it just kind of wind up in the dream
To see a rabbit in your dream signifies luck, magical power, and success. You have a positive outlook on life. This sounds good. I do try to have a positive outlook. I don’t have a magical power. I wish.
Alternatively, rabbits symbolize abundance, warmth, fertility and sexual activity. Perhaps your sex life needs to be kept in check. This might have a little truth in it. It needs to be kept in check.
To see an owl in your dream symbolizes wisdom, insight, magic, expanded awareness and virtue. You are highly connected to your intuitive senses and psychic power. Yun, okay. Sounds good. No psychic power, though. I wish I had this too lol. The owl is also synonymous with death, darkness and the subconscious. That sounds bad. The appearance of an owl may be telling you to let go of the past or certain negative behaviors. Well maybe I had been thinking of certain pasts and it is bad. Yes, I will try to forget it all.
Yes. Only shop for necessary things. Now if you do need something and you also want to upgrade that item, then go ahead. Just as long you can afford it.. or if someone buys it for you.
In my case, I needed new uniform because I don’t have any at all, pair of shoes for work because my current was really old, and a new purse because my bag made a hole inside and so my things got really “inside” the bag. My boyfriend bought me all these things. Uniform and shoes were bought from Ross. I’m a short Filipina so clothing size wise, it’s hard for me. Haha. The uniform we couldn’t find it anywhere but found it in boys section in Ross. Hahah. Only one.. in red. I didn’t know it’s that hard to find a red collared shirt. You would think when you’re not looking for that, it would be everywhere. Skechers shoes from Ross, way cheaper than Sport Chalet or Skechers store. Now, the purse, we got from TJ Maxx. I didn’t know when you’re looking for a purse would be hard too. I wanted something casual, neat looking and professional look at the same time. We were looking around for about 25mins, comparing bags. Prices were definitely a factor and some things like straps, zippers and sizes. Finally, we found a Nine West purse. We saw an Anne Klein and Calvin Klein, and they were really looking pretty and classy. I said, I wouldn’t really know where to use it to.
I didn’t ask for these things, and he knew of my necessities so he bought them willingly for me. I thanked him because I’m tight on the budget right now. Thank you, my love!
Females really ARE complicated, huh?
I had a female best friend before. We’d tell each other our problems to each other and secrets too, of course. We would always go out a lot, partying, clubbing, dinners, kickbacks, hang outs, etc. She would mostly be in charge of paying for both of us (because she was getting paid more than me, making me look like I’m pretty broke), and I would be driving (because she didn’t have a car). We would get drunk together, and kind of take turns on who’s going to be the drunk one and who would be the one driving us back home. I didn’t know how to handle my alcohol and she knew her limits. Everyone knew how we were. People think we were party girls. Wild and crazy. Ah, memories. (I will write our escapades next time!) Tonight, I will tell you what just happened recently.
I blocked my ex bestfriend in Facebook since awhile back. It was my way of moving on. I didn’t want to know any updates about her and I didn’t want her finding anything new with me. I feel vulnerable if she knew what’s going on with my life. I feel like she’s going to use it against me somehow or just talk behind my back (because I already know how she is!) Anyway, I am still friends with her ate and step siblings in Facebook, and I saw photos of her with her step sister and her new best friend (whom she used to not like before when we were still best friends). I saw her smile and it was a smile that didn’t reach her ears. A sad smile. I didn’t want to assume, but I know how her smile looks like when she’s really happy. I unblocked her and read the comments after looking at the photos. They got drunk at some local club and I was right. She wasn’t happy. She was heartbroken. Maybe cool off from the boyfriend or just officially broken up, but she sure didn’t look happy. And you know what? In the comment, she said, Buti pa kayo hindi nyo ako iniwan, kasi dati iniwan ako. (Good to know, you guys didn’t leave me behind, because before I was left behind). It was her reply to them when they said something about her being drunk and looking funny. I knew she was talking about me. I know they knew who she was talking about. And anyone reading her comment, I know they knew that she was talking about me.
So, she hasn’t moved on from our past. That shows me that she still cares about the past, about our broken friendship. Well, I have moved on. I have done my part in apologizing, mending things between us. She just never forgave me and accepted the fact that she was at fault too. I know we won’t be friends anymore and if we do become friends again, it won’t be as tight as before. I have no regret of what happened between us. It was a small mistake I made, which she made a very big deal of to herself and to everyone, making her look like the victim.
Do I miss her? I don’t know. Maybe it’s the memories that I miss. The times I felt fun, good times with friends kind of thing. I just want her to move on. I don’t want her always thinking about our past with regret or disappointment, throughout her whole life. I want her to be happy without me in her mind. I want her to forget about me. I want her to think I never existed. I just want her to live her life without any…regret